One of the biggest misconceptions I hear from my clients (actually, most people) is the belief that once they finally meet someone amazing and have a great relationship, they’ll be happy. Really truly happy.
‘Umh, and why is that a misconception?’ you might think?
Yeah, sure, it’s true. Nothing makes us happier than a loving partner who’s ready to be all IN, with us, and breathe for our love.
However, there’s the other side of the coin. A part of us that enters a relationship that’s not all fine and dandy.
When we enter a relationship, we’re at our best.
We’re in the honeymoon phase, we don’t take things so personally, we agree on most things with our partner, we understand each other (or at least try to), want to do the same activities….
Yet, as we become comfortable enough, so does our head. Small questions pop up, insecurities, ideas in our mind… Our partner does or doesn’t do something, we become annoyed. They act weird, so we become weird too.
Before we know it, something triggers us in our relationship that makes us wonder for the first time “What’s going on? What if this isn’t working out?!”
We love and, at the same time, we worry.
We love, yet we fear “What if this or that happens… “
We love, yet we test the other person “if he really cares about me, he will…”
And none of this is intentional. But, sometimes, you just can’t help yourself, can you?
The truth is, in every relationship, there will be times when you will question parts of it. You will question yourself, your partner, the situation, the argument you just had, the future of your relationship…
And when that time comes, you WILL need to look inside yourself and figure out what’s really going on there.
Most people turn to blame their partners “If she wasn’t like this, I wouldn’t be like that” or “If he really cared about me, he’d be here.”
But the fact is, every time you get triggered by something that your partner said or did, there is a chance, an opening, to question what’s really behind your hurt – what’s really behind your fear or disappointment and what set you off like that.
Instead of focusing on your partner, if you look within yourself, there is a chance for you to heal, to step up, and to connect with your partner even more.
Because our partners are also here to help us grow. To bring the best of us. And no matter how loving a partner can be, there is not a single one that won’t trigger you in some way.
Even your soulmate will find ways to touch into your hidden fears, intentionally or unintentionally. We’re humans. We trigger each other’s wounds. Yes, even when we don’t want to.
So in those relationship moments when you feel your pain, the questions you need to ask yourself are:
– Is it worth it?
– Is this relationship worth me exploring my fears, dealing with my old stuff, and facing my wounds?
– Instead of blaming my partner, am I ready to see the ways I might be responsible for my pain?
– Am I worth this exploration?
~ With all said, I’ll leave you with a question to answer now:
When you think about your relationship (a current or a future one) – do you want to love only, or do you also want to heal and grow with your partner?