How often do you find yourself thinking about something, someone, or a situation excessively and nonstop? Ruminating about the past or worrying about the future?
A person you’re seeing or your partner suddenly changes their mood and becomes distant for a while, and you’re already, in your mind, listing all possible reasons for it and trying to figure out if you had something to do with it.
A guy you’re seeing hasn’t called you when he said he would, and you’re already jumping on that train of thoughts “Does he really like me? Maybe he thought this… Maybe I should have said that… What if he never calls? I swear, the next time I will…”
Have you noticed your ongoing inner chatter “Maybe I should…” this or that; “I wonder if he…” this or that; “What if this… What if that…?”
Welcome to your Mind Loop that goes nowhere.
Are you an overthinker?
As a nonstop thinker and worrier about things, especially in my love life, I’ve learned my lessons the hard way.
I swear, some people are made and wired to think 24/7 about everything. And here I mean every – little – thing.
If there was a calling of “Professional Thinker and Analyser” I’d be making serious money.
See if this description sounds like you and if you fit the job:
You like a person, or you’re in a relationship, and something happens unexpectedly. So you take that one thing, one event that happened between you and that person, and you try to make meaning of it. You run all possible scenarios, dissect the story into a trillion little pieces, looking at it from different angles, asking your friends what they think, deciding one thing then changing your mind, endless thinking… Until it drives you insane!
If so, congratulations, you got the job.
The Job to Ruin All Chances of a Relationship
Here’s the thing with us overthinkers. Rather than enjoying what’s happening between us and that other person, going step by step, feeling confident and relaxed… we often find ourselves drowning in excessive worrying, trying to predict things, and thus putting a huge burden on our relationship.
Over-analysing things is the surest way to ruin a relationship, often before it even begins. My thinking and behaviour ruined several of my relationships, and a few potential ones. And I wasn’t even aware of it.
That’s why I wrote this article for you. I want you to become more aware of what you’re doing to yourself and to that person. I want you to know what happens when you overthink and don’t let things evolve without putting pressure or question marks on them.
How Overthinking Kills Love and Connection
When we enter our endless loop (and doom) of overthinking, we go through five different stages of thinking and acting – that have consequences.
Here’s what happens:
1st Stage: We go under a spell and it takes control over us
This is quite ironic because one of the main reasons why we think so much is to have a sense of control.
We think that if we analyse the situation in the right way, and make the right predictions, we will be able to control the outcomes and make things the way we want them to be.
The truth is: it’s the other way around. Your thinking is like a big bubble of thoughts wrapped around your head and they’re running the show. It’s like you’re captured in a space of Whys, What ifs, and Maybes.
Being in that bubble, you can’t see the situation for what it really is. All those thoughts cloud your judgment and make you believe you are in control or one step ahead.
Be sure that you are not.
2nd stage: Our mood and energy changes
All those uncertain (and often shitty) thoughts change the way you feel, of course. Your thoughts evoke different (often unpleasant) feelings and your entire energy changes. Also, your energy around that person and the relationship is changed. This makes you start to act, feel and think (even more) in a way you usually wouldn’t.
3rd Stage: We start to make our own conclusions and create problems where there are none
Thinking and thinking, we’re trying to make meaning of that which someone said or did, and we start to read into things too much. We try to find reasons or “true meanings” for someone’s words or actions, and we won’t rest until we come up with a “perfect and logical” explanation for it. So we make our own conclusions.
Some people even go so far as to act upon their new conclusions, being so sure “that must be it!”, and then they call the other person out for it.
4th Stage: Other person feels your change of energy and feels discomfort
How many times have you sensed that something was off with another person?
Overthinking takes a toll on you. It makes you more wary and more prone to act in a negative, defensive way.
People, of course, sense that you’re not acting normally or being yourself. Often, they’ll wonder what’s going on. They’ll notice your behaviour; for the first time, second, fifth, and so on… After a while, they will get to know the “thinking and worrying” side of you that’s not an easy-going side.
5th Stage: One of you pulls back (or both, in the end)
The other person starts to realize that perhaps things aren’t as they thought they were. They also start to re-think the situation or relationship, and guess what? Soon enough, when it comes to your relationship, they’re the ones who “have to think about it now.”
This is how our fears, doubts and worries that we had in the beginning come true. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy, isn’t it?
Do you ever wonder why you can’t stop?
Do you say to yourself “Oh, just leave it!”, but that doesn’t happen?
Well, to leave it successfully (and stop doing what doesn’t help you), you need to understand what drives your behaviour, the real reasons behind it.
That’s why I made a short eBook where I explained 3 main reasons why you can’t stop overthinking and I’ve given you one technique to quickly calm your mind and release those unpleasant feelings.
Just fill in your name and email and I’ll send it to you right away.
Let’s start enjoying our relationship with a calm mind and a peaceful heart.
Download it here: