Running away from relationships? Scared of being in one?
My Classic story… It went on for years. I used to tell all my friends that I want to be in a relationship. I daydreamed. I had expectations. I longed for. But when a chance opened up, before I even get to really know the person, I ran for the hills.
That sweet guy I met? With whom things started to evolve, we got to see each other more often, even confided in one another… Naah, I already caught myself searching for all the possible reasons why it wouldn’t work. “I just know it won’t. I’ve been through this so many times before and it all ends the same.”
So often enough, I’d even come up with a conclusion that he wasn’t interested (because he didn’t do this, or didn’t say that, blablabla)
But the truth isn’t this simple… Is it?
Why do we get scared
When you enter the relationship that you’ve been wishing for, you’d think everything would be perfect… We think love is easy. And it is. However, our past hurts and disappointments weren’t. And so, little by little, fear creeps in.
Many people don’t realized that they’re really scared of emotional intimacy. Petrified. I see it all the time. We want love, but love in a relationship requires opening up. It requires being vulnerable. And many aren’t ready to put themselves out in the open and trust their heart to someone – no matter how much they daydream of being in a loving relationship.
I would like you to consider these two possible reasons.
First one is that you might be scared of the possibility of being rejected.
Deep down, you might already be thinking about the consequences if the relationship breaks down. The more you invest yourself in the relationship, the bigger the fear gets.
This fear could have stemmed from previous painful breakups or bad relationships, or from seeing the people around you get hurt from their relationships, such as your friends’ break-ups, constant fighting or even your parent’s divorce.
The idea is: If you don’t open yourself to someone – then you don’t get hurt if things go wrong. Though I’ll share with you – my fear fed itself over time and became too intense for me to handle. If you don’t resolve this, no doubt yours will too.
The second reason is that your heart is still closed.
Your mind might say you’re ready for a relationship, but your heart is still unsure. Just so I don’t have to open up to someone and be vulnerable, I created a bad habit of pursuing men who were just unsuitable for me. Why? Because then I’d easily find plenty of reasons to end that relationship.
One example, I would date men who would do nothing all day. They didn’t had a steady job. They would only talk about their ambitions such as starting their own business, having some ideas, business plans. It was all talk, talk, talk, but no action.
Life-style such as staying home all day, sleeping, eating and playing video games was a huge turn-off and a deal breaker for me. So it would be the perfect ‘impossible’ relationship – I knew I couldn’t get attached. And no attachments equals no commitments.
See for yourself
Any of this sounds familiar to you?
What do you think your reasons are?