Running away from relationships? Scared of being in one?

My Classic story… It went on for years. I used to tell all my friends that I want to be in a relationship. I daydreamed. I had expectations. I longed for. But when a chance opened up, before I even get to really know the person, I ran for the hills.

That sweet guy I met? With whom things started to evolve, we got to see each other more often, even confided in one another… Naah, I already caught myself searching for all the possible reasons why it wouldn’t work. “I just know it won’t. I’ve been through this so many times before and it all ends the same.”

So often enough, I’d even come up with a conclusion that he wasn’t interested (because he didn’t do this, or didn’t say that, blablabla)

But the truth isn’t this simple… Is it?

Why do we get scared  

When you enter the relationship that you’ve been wishing for, you’d think everything would be perfect… We think love is easy. And it is. However, our past hurts and disappointments weren’t. And so, little by little, fear creeps in.

Many people don’t realized that they’re really scared of emotional intimacy. Petrified. I see it all the time. We want love, but love in a relationship requires opening up. It requires being vulnerable. And many aren’t ready to put themselves out in the open and trust their heart to someone – no matter how much they daydream of being in a loving relationship.

I would like you to consider these two possible reasons.

1st Reason:
The first one is that you might be scared of the possibility of being rejected.

Deep down, you might already be thinking about the consequences if the relationship breaks down. The more you invest yourself in the relationship, the bigger the fear gets.

This fear most likely stems from previous painful breakups and bad relationships, or from seeing the people around you get hurt from their relationships, such as your friends’ break-ups, constant fighting or even your parent’s divorce.

The premise is: “If I don’t open myself to someone – then I don’t get hurt if things go wrong.” Though I’ll share with you – our fears feed themselves over time and become too intense for us to handle. If you don’t resolve this, no doubt yours will too.

 

2nd Reason:

The second reason is that your heart is still closed.

Your mind might say you’re ready for a relationship, but your heart isn’t so sure. We say we want to, but we act as if we don’t.

Just so we don’t have to open up to someone and be vulnerable, we create a bad habit of pursuing people who aren’t suitable for us. Why? Because there are already plenty of reasons to end that relationship, and not give it its proper chance. We don’t invest and we don’t attach. And no attachments equals no commitments.

See for yourself

Any of this sounds familiar to you?

What do you think your reasons are?