Sometimes, past memories have minds of their own. They keep recirculation even when you’ve tried your best to make them disappear. You become way more emotionally sensitive and your abilities to love and trust become limited by suspicion, doubt and distrust.
For you to be able to recover from your painful memories, you have to take full responsibility of your own happiness and acknowledge how negative feelings and emotional baggage are preventing you from experiencing the happiness that you deserve.
Stop thinking about what you could have done differently, stop dwelling on what ifs, stop blaming your ex or yourself and stop feeding your negative emotions.
What happened in the past will not change, but how you want it to affect you will. When you stop contemplating on the past and stop justifying your experiences, eventually you’ll have trouble recalling the details of those painful experiences that used to agitate you to no end.
To fully recover from your past and move on with your life, here are some realities that you should understand:
THINKING ABOUT THE PAST MAKES IT YOUR PRESENT
Look at your past with clarity. When you recall your past and relive your painful memories, it’s happening now and it becomes the present. When you recall your anger in the past, you feel it in the present. What you are experiencing in the now is what keeps your past alive.
The importance of understanding this concept is that it makes you understand that the way out of your pain is in your present. Change your perspective now and focus on what’s currently happening to you. Feel what you want to feel today. If you want the scars of the past to heal, you have to make an effort to focus your attention on your present.
THOUGHTS HAVE NO POWER OVER YOU WHEN YOU DON’T ALLOW THEM TO
Memories are merely thoughts and thoughts have no power over you unless you allow them to. All of us have thoughts about things that happened in the past and they don’t cause any problems. They do not agitate us and they do not stress us out. However, some thoughts can be sticky.
Sticky thoughts are those, which trigger an emotional reaction in you and you cannot help but think about them over and over. Your reaction is what keeps these sticky thoughts alive, which affect your future. If you want to recover from the pain of the past, you have to lose interest in your sticky thoughts. Keep reminding yourself that thinking about them does not do you any good.
LETTING GO MEANS ACCEPTING THINGS THAT CANNOT BE
When you let go, you do not expect for something or someone to change. When you let go you don’t hope that your ex will apologize to you, you don’t tell yourself that it shouldn’t have happened and you don’t hope to redo your relationship. Letting go means accepting that there are things that just simply cannot be.
WHAT YOU FOCUS ON IS YOUR REALITY
If you continue cultivating anger, sadness, revenge and regret, they will start clouding your judgment and become your reality. If you want to move on with your life and succeed in doing so, you have to be more than willing to allow yourself to feel differently. Be positive and start experiencing new things for yourself. Do not allow your past to define who you are by constantly contemplating on them.
TELLING STORIES KEEP THE PAST ALIVE
We are often fond of telling stories that have brought nothing but pain and disappointment in our lives. If you do not want to be haunted by your past, you have to make an effort to lose interest in them. Telling stories of your past is just like thinking about the sticky thoughts. To help you forget about them, constantly remind yourself about why you shouldn’t tell them in the first place—they do not do you any good, they bring painful memories back to life and they prevent you from moving on with and enjoying your life.
INACCURATE BELIEFS CAN GET IN THE WAY
You might have left the relationship but you still might be filled with regret because of the inaccurate beliefs that you allow to influence your life. Beliefs are simply thoughts that keep you distracted from the real issue.
Some of the most common beliefs are:
“I had such a painful experience that I think it’s impossible for me to heal.”
“I cannot move on with my life.”
“He or she needs to apologize.”
Stop feeding these inaccurate beliefs. You can always heal the scars of the past and you can always move on with your life if you want to.
FREEDOM IS REDISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE!
If you let the past define who you are, you will only be living as a small portion of what is possible for you. It is easy to lose yourself when you are in a destructive relationship with a person whom you wrapped your identity around. When you break free from a relationship like third and start accepting the fact that you somehow lost your identity along the way, it becomes your first step to rediscovering who you are.
Make an effort to lose interest in the past, accept the things that cannot be and start opening your eyes to the things that go by. Rediscovering yourself is a process. Immerse your consciousness in whatever it is that you are doing and be completely present even in the most mundane tasks of your day. Once you rediscover who you are, you can fully move on with your life without lingering feelings of regret, bitterness and anger.
The scars of the past are something that you shouldn’t run away from. The longer it takes for you to acknowledge and mend them, the longer it takes for you to finally forget and move on with your life.
There are so many lessons to learn from even the most destructive of relationships but one of the most important lessons to keep in mind is to never invest yourself in a relationship and be committed with someone who does not value you. It’s natural to feel scared when you decide to walk away from someone and fear how your life might not ever be the same again. And you’re right. Life will never be the same again.
Once you rediscover and learn how to value yourself and see the good in your experiences, life will never be the same again, because it is definitely going to be better.
Thank you for signing up for this five day course.
I wanted to let you know how much I understand. I know it not easy going through an emotionally destructive relationship, much less recovering from it and letting go all of its negative impacts.
It takes a lot of courage, patience, self-compassion and optimism. And, we all struggle with something of our own. We are no different. When it hurts, it hurts. The only difference is in our approach.
Are you going to let your past define you? I hope not.
I hope today you choose yourself.
I said I have two gifts for you. First one is that in the next following days you will receive a PDF version of this eCourse so you can have it when ever you want and feel like reading.
I have also prepared a special discount for all of you who have read this online course. Expect your email soon! 🙂